this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
