You're a womanizer and a bitch.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
