we have officially lost it.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
