adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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