we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
