Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
