john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
