my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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