I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
