Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
