I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
