There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
