Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You pole danced in your parka.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
