this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
