If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
