I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
