that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it hurts more in the daytime
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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