Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
