Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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