i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
