made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
