I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
