I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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