We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
