What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize