dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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