He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
