I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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