I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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