those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize