I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
