I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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