Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
