i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
