i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
