The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so much tequila, so little girl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
