i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
