Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
