Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
only if we run a train.
done.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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