Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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