I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
