so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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