no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
