farters have to be the big spoon...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize