The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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