Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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