We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
