I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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