Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this just has baby written all over it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
