So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
