i don't like sucking hair
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
