LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
