So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
