Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
