I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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