Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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