Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
