I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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