you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
