Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
