omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I want to be your penis for a week.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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