So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
