i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
