he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize