is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
