it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
