I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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