sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
