hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
